


Letting Go

by ExtinctionOfReality



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Mild Sexual Fantasy, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 17:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7723552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtinctionOfReality/pseuds/ExtinctionOfReality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have ya eva wondered why yar Bankai takes on a snake form?" was what he asked once...and Renji knew the answer to that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> How long has it been since I last sat down to write for Bleach..? I wish I knew haha... For at least a year now or longer, I have been on and off going back to it and writing a few things, but I lost interest fast and never finished anything. Until today. My long lost passion for the series returned...and with it, my interest to write for it. And that's what I did and going to do again. Yay! XD It really felt good writing for Bleach again...very nostalgic.

_"Have ya eva wondered why yar Bankai takes on a snake form... Abarai?"_

Indeed... He has considered the reason why his Zanpakutou spirit looked so different in comparison to others. Not that he knew how other spirits looked like... But they, him and other Fukutaichous, once sat down to discuss it, to describe their spirits... And he hasn't heard anyone else mention having, actually, two spirits.

Zabimaru was one spirit...and yet two at the same time. The tail in a form of a snake has always had a mind of its own... Even though it relied on the baboon spirit for movement. 

And that in itself was interesting... Renji knew that no other two spirits are the same and every single Zanpakutou has a mind and power of its own...

But what could be the reason for his two-headed/two-souled friend..?

Even though the question asked had nothing to do with the spirit form itself but rather its Bankai... It made him wonder...

Why a snake..?

He has never had any fascination with snakes as far as he could tell...

Right..?

No...

Wrong.

_"If ya want fer me ta train ya, ya will need ta do better dan dat...Abarai."_

Ichimaru Gin, the Taichou of Division Three. He had nothing in common with this guy, as he thought, when they first met. He didn't want to associate with him for a second and   
instead avoided him as much as he could... For he creeped him out...

Until the day Ichimaru Gin approached him instead.

He wasn't sure why...and he didn't think it mattered. Renji was simply glad the Third Division Taichou did.

He hasn't regretted it for a second since.

He was already a Sixth seat in Division Eleven when he began training for Bankai and strengthening his Shikai.

Even now he remembers... Zabimaru didn't look like it does now back then.

Gin started training him. It happened on a whim. Prideful Abarai Renji would never ask for someone else's help...

When Gin approached him and offered his service...he declined. He wasn't sure why he offered it in the first place. he still doesn't know. But as time went by and they regularly met on training grounds, Abarai silently begged him to be there... First, to just talk to him...then, to train together...and eventually, train him instead.

During the entirety of their training, he hasn't seen Gin release his Zanpakutou once...whether it was because Renji was weak and he didn't view him as a worthy opponent...or because he was talking more about the technical side... Abarai didn't know... But in the end he didn't give it much thought until now.

All he knew was...he started longing after Gin. Mild interest turned into obsession... And he began to look forward to meeting the Taichou every single time for training.

No one knew of their small secret. Abarai trained on secluded grounds and no one had interest to disturb his training.

Thus he had Ichimaru Gin all to himself...

And eventually... He guessed that the interest was mutual, otherwise Gin wouldn't bother coming.

Renji wasn't sure how far Gin's interest in him went...or why it was there to begin with. He knew nothing at all. Not that he ever questioned Ichimaru to begin with...and the reason he didn't was because he simply...couldn't. He wasn't sure how to. Sometimes he did fear the Taichou, he could admit to it now unlike then...he was still creepy after all... But he wasn't sure if fear was the reason he asked nothing. Not that Gin found a need to tell him anything to begin with.

So he knew no reason for Gin's interest...but he knew how far his extended. He dreamed of that wide smirk and rarely seen sky-blue eyes... He longed after the lean form, he fantasized over it...

But that's all it ever was.

A fantasy. It never bore any fruit... It never grew into anything more.

When he became a Fukutaichou of Division Six, it all stopped as abruptly as it began.

And he never saw Gin outside duties again up until his betrayal.

Looking back... Even though he thought his obsession with the Third Division Taichou bore no fruit.

It did after all.

And it was evident in Zabimaru.

A snake... This was the best way to describe Ichimaru Gin. This is who he was... This is how he looked like.

And he loved him for it. Sexually or more... He was attached to him. And sometimes, he was afraid of himself... Of what he thought he would have done... If he knew of Aizen's plan... And more importantly, of Gin's plan.

He had too many questions but no answers. Gin was his idol... An idol he knew close to nothing about... Yet he knew everything about him.

What an unfair exchange.

And unfortunately...there was nothing more to it.

What could have been...was impossible now. It will forever stay a dream for Abarai Renji.

A beautiful, fruitless fantasy.

That took part in Zabimaru's spirit form. And gained life of its own.

Maybe it was not so fruitless after all..?

Picking himself from the ground he was occupying right beside Ichimaru's grave Rangiku insisted on, to honor him as a hero, Renji smiled.

"Thank you... Ichimaru-sensei."

And with that, the wind picked up and he left. 

To never return again.

Letting go...with no regrets.  
 _The End._


End file.
